


this is not my beautiful house

by quietbluejay



Category: X-Factor (Comics)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Human Experimentation, Metafiction, Not Beta Read, Self-Insert, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29057385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietbluejay/pseuds/quietbluejay
Summary: Local woman realizes she has become foreign woman as she wakes up 35 years in the past (in a very sticky situation!) in a fictional universe.  Meanwhile, the original 5 X-Men have reunited to form X-Factor! Sinister, one might say apocalyptic, threats loom on the horizon.But that's not really super relevant to our heroine as she is currently on a quest for a job, a way home, and some decent jasmine tea.A self-insert into early volume 1 X-Factor.  And by early, I mean issue #2.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 16





	1. there's no swimming in the heavy water

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to apologize in advance to everyone in this fandom who is desperate for fic. You thought it was finally something new, but it was me, writing self-insert fanfic!
> 
> The last time the self-insert looked at anything related to X-men was roughly a decade ago. She heard Jubilee was a vampire now? And she didn't have that much knowledge of earlier stuff to begin with.

My first clear memory after I found myself in another world was pain, strapped to an operating table and surrounded by zeerusty machinery. To this day, I have only vague fragments of what happened before that. I remember trees I think? and complimenting some woman’s 80s style exercise gear - I think I may have asked to use her phone. I remember feeling disoriented.

Honestly, it would be nice to know how I got from there to being trapped in a mad scientist’s lab, or heck, how I got from my reality into a comic book universe, but I’ve accepted that I’ll probably never know the whole story. As per usual I have a few notes on my phone but they make zero sense, just the usual stuff I do when I’m panicking. Thanks, past me. At least Dr. Maddicks kept my stuff safe (for mad science reasons, no doubt) and it didn’t get destroyed when X-Factor broke in. Gotta look on the bright side. Would have definitely made it way harder to prove I was from the future of an alternate universe without my phone or laptop, not even to mention the fact that I would die without my music.

And don’t worry about the whole memories thing! I’m fine! I remember the rest of my life, more or less, I’m not a complete amnesiac just...missing a few days. Maybe a week? I’m kind of glad I don’t remember most of the human experimentation, to be honest. What I retained was bad enough.

Or, well, mutant experimentation. Surprise! I’m not legally human any more!

I have no idea what my original mutation was, but I’m guessing it had something to do with plants. Even back home, I always had sort of a sense about if plants were sick or not doing well, and what they needed, and I felt energized in forests and wilted if I was stuck not seeing plants. Living downtown all those years was pretty rough. Yes, there’s a reason I’m telling you this, but first...some backstory.

See, Dr. Maddicks used to work with Hank (a.k.a. Dr. McCoy or Beast) back in the day at Brand Laboratories (Brand Corporation? Brand Something, anyways, honestly the only reason I remember that it’s Brand was because I remember Hank dated Abigail Brand sometime in the 2000s and I’m 75% sure she’s connected to that place somehow[1]), when Hank was trying to turn off his mutant ability.

If you’re familiar with the story, you’ll know it didn’t work, in fact it did the opposite of what he wanted - it turned him blue and furry. Why is this relevant? I’m glad you asked! When I woke up, dazed and in pain, in that lab, I found that my skin was now bright green.

Dr. Maddicks was trying to cure his son’s mutation. His son, Artie, was mute and had a physical mutation that honestly was a bit unsettling to look at. Cool story, _still highly unethical human experimentation without anesthetic_!!! 0/10 stars, would not want to be experimented on again.

I’m pretty sure this was where they got the plot to that X-men movie I kept seeing the gifset about Storm and Rogue and the discussion about the X-men as a metaphor for disability.[2]

The problem for Dr. Maddicks was, he needed a test subject with a visible mutation. Which I did not have. So in order to test his mutant cure on me, he first injected me with the thing (serum?) that had made Hank the object of desire of the furry community.

Calm down, I’m still the same as I always was. Except with green skin.

But he wasn’t quite sure about his cure, and he wasn’t completely bereft of ethics and didn’t want to use something on me that might kill me. Well, either that or he didn’t want to go through the whole process again. So, he decided to pay some guy to kidnap Hank and have him check over his work.

Hey, when I said he wasn’t completely bereft of ethics, that doesn’t mean he had a lot of ethics.

Which leads us to the real beginning of the story - foreign woman meets fictional superhero in the lair of a mad scientist.

_______________________________

At that point, I had no clue what the heck was going on. As usual when in stressful situations, I was going on autopilot, which in this specific case meant I was staring blankly at the walls. I was green. And also kidnapped by some scientist. I couldn’t remember anything so maybe I had consented to this? But that would be completely out of character for me.

The outdated equipment didn’t really register on me that much - I mean, yeah, I recognized it as looking pretty old-school, but I know a lot of hospitals and some universities don’t have the money to upgrade. The 80s-style exercise gear - well, even though we had moved into the 90s revival, 80s stuff was still going strong.

I tried to think of the most recent thing I could remember - looking at apartments? No, after that I remembered staring out past the houseplants into my parents’ backyard at the green grass, frozen in indecision.

My mind traced patterns in the imperfections of the walls. This was boring. What was the point of trying to figure out what I remembered? What I needed was to get out of here. But how? I wasn’t under any illusion regarding my fitness levels, even on a good day when I didn’t ache from mysterious medical procedures. I was an anemic asthmatic office worker with 10 million allergies, no way I’m going to be able to run out of here with someone chasing me. Yeah I do my 6km a day walk but that’s walking! 

I needed more information. Which meant I needed to wait. Be patient. My finger drummed the rhythm from Ravel’s Bolero on the bench I was sitting on, and I tried to hum the melody at the same time.

Be patient for what? _You can’t seriously be under the illusion that you’re some kind of action hero_. No but...I’ll figure it out when it happens. If I can’t do anything, I can’t do anything, but somehow I have a feeling things will work out. They usually do.

What if this is the time they don’t though? 

Ugh, what good does it do to think like that, though?

And other withered stumps of time something something were laid out on the walls. Man I haven’t thought of The Waste Land in ages.

My mind continued to buzz, retreading the same circles.

Until the door opened, and I came face to face with a real live superhero. That was the point where I could no longer cling to my illusions about the state of the reality I had found myself in.

_______________________________

Let me tell you, of all the things I expected to see when that door opened, it was not some tall buff blond dude wearing magenta spandex dragging an unconscious large blue furry man (?!) into the cell, followed by the doctor.

That looked like Beast! From X-men!

The mumblings of the doctor (that I hadn’t processed) about mutation clicked into place.

This was either an elaborate hallucination or I was in a comic book universe. Or, wait, maybe the movies too, though I don’t remember anything like this in Apocalypse. Oh no, what if this was Ultimate Marvel? This sort of medical experimentation would fit right in there. Well, that was the impression I had. I’d never actually read any Ultimate books.

I stood up, wringing my hands, then stumbled, narrowly avoiding falling, and sat back down quickly. Ow, my tailbone.

Meanwhile the two of them were putting these weird large cuffs around Beast’s wrists.

I guess they’re going to just ignore me completely. That’s fine. No wait, magenta spandex dude shot me a look I couldn’t decipher. Look, when it comes to people’s expressions, I’m Jared, 19. Maybe it meant something like ‘I kind of feel bad you’re trapped here being experimented on by a mad scientist but I’m a henchman”. Or maybe it meant “why is she standing there did she seriously just trip over her own feet”. I didn’t say anything.

They left the cell, and, of course, locked it. What, am I not considered dangerous enough to get the weird cuffs? Is that what you’re saying, guys? Next time you come over here I’ll definitely bite you! No wait, that’s (forgive me this pun) in bad taste. And also unsanitary.

Yeah, I’m definitely at the same threat level of a big guy with superstrength. Watch out, here comes Laura, she’ll jab you with her elbows, maybe step on your feet.

That’s the first time I said my name? Really? We went this long without a proper introduction? All right then. My name is Enoby Darkness De-

Ok, ok, I’ll be serious here. Laura Mitchell’s the name, mobile app development’s the game. I like birds, baking, and bad puns.

 ~~A bunch of Avengers were looking at me. I stuck my middle finger up at them.~~ Ok, that’s enough of that, as amusing as the image of Xavier as My Immortal!Dumbledore is.

I delicately poked Beast in the shoulder. Yeah he was still out cold. How were you supposed to wake up an unconscious person again? Slapping them, right? Yeah I couldn’t bring myself to do that.[3]

_Your life is on the line here and you can’t bring yourself to try and wake someone up because it involves slapping them?_

Wait I should probably check to see how he was doing. It’s been a long time since first aid classes, but I could still remember a little. His breathing was good, I couldn’t see or feel any obstruction of the airways uhhh what else were you supposed to check? He wasn’t bleeding, there wasn’t any cerebral fluid (ugh), not that I really had anything I could actually do if he had a spinal injury.

I felt...something in me itched to fix this.

Huh, I’d thought I’d seen a bruise on his head. Nothing there now. And somehow I felt worse than I had before? I could feel the beginnings of a dehydration headache.

Beast was waking up now. He moved his hand to wipe at his eyes, and in doing so, noticed the cuff around his wrist.

I waved awkwardly at him. Why was the only thing I could think of right now that stupid Skyrim waking up meme?

He frowned at me. “Wha- why did you bring me here?”

My brow furrowed as I tried to look quizzical and innocent. Look, I know I’m not always great at expressing emotions, so I didn’t want him to think I was responsible by looking blankly and have him read something like ‘haha I am your jailor’ on my face!

“I didn’t bring you here! I was kidnapped too!”

Ok, ok, stay calm. Pro: Beast is here which means I’m definitely getting out. Maybe he’ll let me stay at his place or something while I try and figure things out? Reed Richards has probably made at least one interdimensional portal, right, and Beast probably has some kind of contact with him? ...assuming I’m in the right dimension and not an X-men movie or cartoon where he doesn’t exist.

Time to cling like I’ve never clung before! Like a limpet! A barnacle!...you’re getting ahead of yourself Laura.

Right. I should probably explain what’s going on.

“I don’t actually remember much of what happened, the past few days are kind of hazy? First thing I can clearly remember is waking up green on the operating table. I guess I was a mutant before but it wasn’t really...obvious? I wasn’t green?” I said, my voice in times of stress reverting to vocal fry.

I continued. “As I said, I don’t remember a lot since it wasn’t a fun time, but Dr. Maddicks said something about needing it to be fully expressed in order to apply the cure, or something like that?”

“Dr. Maddicks…,” he said, half to himself. “I thought he was dead. Are you sure that’s who he said he was?”

“Er...well...that’s what I thought I heard? Maybe I was wrong?”

“It would make sense since this was the area we were looking into…” he trailed off.

I should probably confirm that it is Beast here. And not his DC knockoff version. I’ve been out of DC stuff even longer than I have Marvel, sure hope it isn’t that. Though isn’t it usually Marvel that does knockoffs of DC characters, like Deadpool being the Captain Ersatz version of the mercenary dude what was in the Teen Titans animated show?[4]

“So just to check, are you Beast? From the X-men?”

“And the Avengers. Though I’m...a bit of a free agent now.”

“That’s pretty cool.” I gave him a thumbs-up and then died inside a little.

Huh, he was in the Avengers? Never knew that. Guess they must have played it down what with the Fox thing. Or, you know Laura, maybe you just never read anything that referenced it, you only read maybe 5 actual comics and then 10 million wiki articles and writeups on livejournal. Not everything has to be about Marvel tanking the X-men.

Before either of us (read: me) could combust from social embarrassment, he began to speak again. “Actually, I’ve recently joined my former comrades in the X-men to form a team to help young mutants such as yourself.”

I’m pretty sure we’re like the same age, dude, but whatever. Back when I was 19, getting mistaken for 12 was extremely irritating. Getting mistaken for 18-19 at 30 is more funny than anything, usually.

No, wait, as amusing as this could potentially be, I should probably clear this up now.

“I guess that’s my cue to introduce myself.” I said, folding my fingers together like Gendo Ikari. Wow, I can’t believe I have two separate introductions in one chapter. Wait, what?

“I’m Laura Mitchell, and while I’m flattered by your assumption,” (that’s what you’re supposed to say, right? even if it’s not true), “I’m actually thirty.”

I mean, I guess technically depending on things, some people consider thirty young. But usually when you’re talking about young people you aren’t including anyone over the age of twenty-five.

“Ah, well...you still are in a situation where you could use some help with your mutation, right?”

I moved my head to look around the cell in a faux-dramatic fashion. “You could say that, yes.”

“Yes, well, I suppose this is a situation we have in common.” He coughed a bit awkwardly.

“But seriously, I have no idea what my mutation even does, probably. Also I guess I’m technically homeless now? And jobless, too. Well I guess there’s the possibility that this whole thing is a dream…It’s a long story,” I hastily tacked on at his inquiring look. “And it kind of...makes me sound crazy.”

“I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere for a while,” said Beast, “and as for crazy...well, I’ve seen a lot of very strange things over the course of my career, and I doubt anything you can say can top it.”

That’s right, isn’t it? Jean and Scott’s time travelling 90s antihero son, clones, Chuck Austen and the whole Nightcrawler thing...wait, had any of that happened yet? I feel like there were dinosaurs in early X-men but I couldn’t remember for sure, and honestly that’s way weirder than my life right now.

I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. Why does this always happen to me? Let’s try again. Just don’t think about how cringey it sounds out loud.

“This is going to sound really weird, and, I know I already said that, but, well, it is weird. Because last I checked, the year was 2020, and I kind of get the vibe,” (at this point, he made a bit of a face, mouthing ‘get the vibe’), “it’s a completely different decade. Also I…”

Right here’s where I chickened out of telling him I was from an alternate universe where they were fictional. Because, come on, I couldn’t tell him that to his face! Xavier and Jean Grey (and Emma Frost though she was evil at this point, I think?) are telepaths, they can just read it from my mind and tell everyone.

And in that moment I understood why Scott dated telepaths.

Anyways, time to end that sentence differently.

“...I have proof! I have my laptop and my cell phone, and my passport. Well, assuming Dr. Maddicks kept it somewhere and we can find it.”

Wait. Shit. I have some X-men related fan stuff on my computer. You’d probably need to do some digging to find it though, at least, so I think I should be safe. But man, would be pretty wack if the whole alternate universe thing gets revealed via someone reading the saved fanfic I have involving the original 5 x-men trying to capture a rogue slime crawling through the vents.[5]

“Well, that is a bit of a story, but it certainly would not be the first time we’ve had visitors from a dark future.[6] Are you here to warn us...?”

Um. How to answer that question.

“I didn’t actually come back on purpose, I don’t even know what year it is! But, well, yeah, I’m definitely from a dark future, and while I’d love to prevent it, I don’t have the first clue how to start.” Or whether everything even happened in the Marvel universe. Like, a lot of the deeper societal forces are probably present, a lot of the general ills that led up to the current situation, but the pandemic? I really doubt comics were covering that. 

(huh, I wonder if the ice storm of ‘97 happened in 616. Like, I’m not stupid, I know the chances of it getting mentioned in comics is almost nil, but, did it happen or not? A true ‘tree falling in a forest’ question)  
There really wasn’t much you could say in response, so Beast said nothing.

“So, had any thoughts about busting out of here?” I asked. Let’s not focus on problems we can’t do anything about right now, like the coronavirus pandemic and everything about modern society and politics, and instead think about things that are actually within our grasp. Like breaking out of a mad scientist’s lair in an unknown location.

Of course, that was when the door opened and Dr. Maddicks showed up. Sure hope he wasn’t listening in on our conversation, that would be creepy. And also worrisome if he decided to torture me for future information. No, wait, Laura, you’re catastrophizing. Given the circumstances though, it’s only catastrophizing _slightly_.

“I see you two are getting to know each other,” Dr. Maddicks said ominously. “I figured I should come down here for a little chat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. She is not[return to text]  
> 2\. This is true![return to text]  
> 3\. You probably shouldn’t slap someone to wake them up if they’re unconscious. Sometimes it works and it’s harmless, but in some cases it’s a really bad idea.[return to text]  
> 4\. It’s Deathstroke. And Beast doesn’t have a DC knockoff. [return to text]  
> 5\. At least I don’t have X-Manson saved to my computer. Luckily at the time I was isekai’ed I hadn’t actually read that fic. I can provide links to these if anyone's interested[return to text]  
> 6\. This is probably the biggest OOC point: I’m assuming that at least one of the X-men showed greater communication skills than are actually present in canon and told Beast about what happened with DOFP.[return to text]


	2. we're changing our ways, taking different roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura plays a party game, insults someone's math skills, and internally fangirls over Jean Grey. Oh yeah, and it's breakout time!

Dr. Maddicks was a tall bald man with a short, dark beard. He wore a long khaki lab coat over a eye-searingly scarlet cable knit turtleneck, some very blue jeans, and some...matching shoes? And thus did the 80s begin their assault upon my eyes.

Nah, I’m kidding, it wasn’t that bad, especially compared to some of the outfits I’d later see Tabby wearing. But still it wasn’t something you’d expect to see on a geneticist. It- wait, was that an actual _pocket protector_? Oh wow.

Meanwhile, Beast was staring at him in shock. “So it really is you!”

“Ah, I see that you remember me from the days we worked together at Brand Corporation. As you can see, the rumours of my death were greatly exaggerated. I’ve gone to great expense to enlist your aid in a most monumental project. You are one of the finest biochemical scientists I’ve worked with!”

You couldn’t have just called him up and asked him, like a normal person? But hey, this sounds like something my sister might be interested in. Too bad she wasn’t-

No, wait, dumbass, why would I want my sister to be here? She has an actual family that needs her and who’d be missing her, so it would be even worse for her than for me. Still, I think she’d probably be interested. I should try and remember as much as I can for when I see her again.

And I see I’m being ignored yet again. Rude. I mean yeah, I’m not a biochemist, but I could be! This dude has no idea that I’m not! But sadly I do not have enough knowledge to even fake it.

I zoned out while they were talking to try and get a better look at the hallway behind Dr. Maddicks. Somehow I feel like we’re underground. This place really reminds me of the tunnels under the engineering building. Probably same vintage too. If it’s anything like that, that means it’s a complete maze in here.

I snap back to hear Beast saying, “-I have ‘associates’ who will help extricate me from this predicament!”

“Ha, ha,” came the doctor’s mocking reply, “I think not, Dr. McCoy! The lab is located hundreds of feet below the ground-” (called it!) “-and I’m about to ‘eliminate’ the last clue to your whereabouts!”

And with that, he swept from the cell, locking it behind him. You know, they never talk about the tedium and boredom when it comes to being imprisoned.

What to do now?

Oh no, I just had a terrible, wonderful idea. Well, what did I have to lose?

“Dr. McCoy,” I asked, “have you ever heard of a game called ‘Never Have I Ever’?”

___________________________

“Never have I ever...driven a flying car.”

There was a brief silence as I didn’t put down a finger. “We don’t actually have flying cars in 2020, you know. Though, we do have self-driving cars, I guess.”

“Very well, have you driven one of-”

“No, I haven’t driven one of those either. One of the guys I was working with at a client office did, though, and I went with him when we did team lunch, so I did get to experience it at least? Was nerve-wracking on the highway to be honest.”

So ‘Never Have I Ever’ ended up turning into ‘cultural exchange time’ rather than ‘getting to know you icebreaker’. That figures, given both me and Hank are apparently giant nerds - of very different stripes, admittedly, but giant nerds nonetheless.

We’d gotten sidetracked by a discussion about Wikipedia (and believe, the irony of doing so when on the conversational equivalent of a ‘wiki-walk’ is not lost on me), when Dr. Maddicks showed up again.

This time, under his arm, he carried something dark and ominous. Paperwork. Or well, a bunch of papers. Oh no, he’s going to give us all papercuts and make us deal with bureaucracy for him!

As the memories of the social security government office in Providence rose to the forefront of my mind, I shuddered internally. Why was I cursed to need to deal with the American government?

To be fair, I’m not saying that dealing with the Canadian government is that much better (except the places I’ve gone to get my passport done, health card, etc etc usually have better decorating and feel less dystopian), but, dealing with it when you’re not a citizen makes everything so much worse.

These thoughts along with those about my lack of employability when the field I’m in wouldn’t even exist for more than 20 years bounced around my brain, despite very well knowing that the papers Dr. Maddicks was carrying had nothing at all to do with any of this.

“I thought you might become a trifle bored, so I brought you something to pass the time!”

That’s surprisingly nice.

Yep, there’s definitely something fishy going on here.

“These are notes on my experiments to date. You might want to peruse them in your ‘spare time’”, he said, throwing the folder through the bars.

“Why don’t you go orally extract embryonic fluid from an egg?” Hank shot back.

Our captor did not reply.

“What about me?” I finally decided to ask. “What if I’m bored and want something to do too?”

Wait bad move BAD MOVE-

Oh, thank goodness, he left and either ignored me or didn’t hear. I exhaled sharply. “Sorry,” I muttered to no one in particular, maybe to myself.

Beast picked up the folder. “I may as well put my rods and cones to the purpose of deciphering these,” he said, shooting me a semi-apologetic glance.

“Sure, sure,” I said, flapping a hand at him. “Actually I- hey I recognize that!” I said. Ah, matrices, my old friend. Enemy. Frenemy. Makes me nostalgic for my OpenGL days. Well at least it’s not Fourier transforms. Though what a biochemist would be doing with Fourier transforms I have no clue. Oh, or Markov chains, if I never in my entire life see anything associated with the name Markov I will die a happy woman.

Wow, for a biochemist, this man’s bad at math. You’d think they’d be better at this stuff in the 80s since they didn’t have everything computerized.

“Is it just me or is this all wrong?”

Hank made an expression of distaste. “Carl always was a lousy mathematician.”

In this way, we made our way through the papers. Or, well, Hank did, since I peaced out once it got into actual biochemistry and I could follow it about as well as I could my sister’s master’s thesis. Which was, not well. There’s a reason she had me proofread it only for style and grammar and not for actual science, and that reason was _I am not any type of scientist_.

“Carl might actually be on to something here,” said Hank after finishing up. “I confess my mind is divided on whether this is for good or ill. One the one appendage, despite the folly of my youth, I can see now that creating a cure would have grave consequences for mutantkind. On the other, our personal circumstances regarding our appearances…”

Yes, thank you, I still hadn’t really wrapped my head around the fact that I was green as a tomato leaf. I kept seeing my nose out of the corner of my eye and getting startled, to say nothing of my hands.

And it’s only been, what, a few hours for me? Hank’s been blue and fuzzy for years.

Our musings were cut short by the reappearance of Dr. Maddicks.

“So, McCoy, I’d like to thank you (and surprisingly Mitchell) for services rendered and bid you good night!”

First off, what the heck. Second off, _what the heck_.

And hey, what was that crack about ‘surprisingly Mitchell’?

Ohhhhhhh shit. He was bugging us. He knows I’m from the future. Good thing I didn’t tell the whole truth earlier!

Hank seemed pretty surprised as well. “What services?! I’ve done noth…”

Dr. Maddicks pulled out a gun. A gun! A weird sci-fi looking gun!

“There is one last duty you can perform! And for it, we won’t be needing that superior brain of yours!”

Then he shot Hank.

What was I supposed to do now? How was I-

He shot me too.

___________________________

Relax. Obviously, he didn’t kill me - killing off the protagonist in the second chapter really would be a twist (wait, what?). Or Hank for that matter - it was some kind of fancy scifi stunner.

While the two of us were chilling in that cell (and trust me, it was definitely chilling - air conditioning was way too high), the rest of X-Factor was out and about tracking Hank down. They managed to track down Magenta Man, who spilled the beans.

Incidentally, not his actual name. I’m sure he’ll never become relevant to my life again, so it doesn’t matter what his name was, where he did he come from, or where did he go. It’s not like I would have been married long time ago if it hadn’t been for him, or anything like that.

As it turns out, Dr. Maddicks was bugging us - just not how you’d expect. Remember his son Artie, who I mentioned last chapter? As a telepath he was projecting images of all our thoughts and calculations about his research. In retrospect this kind of makes sense since Hank didn’t exactly talk through his whole thought process, but who even would think of this as a possible scenario?

Dr. Maddicks decided to not do whatever the scientist equivalent of QA testing is, or even dev testing, and just immediately went straight to production to apply his updated research to Hank. Though, I suppose having Hank look over his stuff was peer review? But who even gave this man a degree, honestly.

As you might expect, it didn’t work so well. He managed to not actually kill Hank (which I attribute to sheer luck on his part. Well, also the fact that they couldn’t just kill Hank off like that, they’d need a much bigger event). From what I found out later, apparently right after Dr. Maddicks finished with his mad sciencing, the rest of X-Factor burst through the wall to his lab like the Kool-Aid Man.

Kind of wish I’d been there to see that bit, but at the time I was busy being busted out of my cell by Artie. Let me tell you, it gave me quite a turn to get woken up by a kid who came up to my waist. A pink, bald kid with...entirely blue eyes? And some kind of markings on his head. Greetings, fellow mutant. Somehow I felt a sense of kinship with this child.

He projected a series of images at me. Of Dr. Maddicks taking Hank out of the cell and leaving me there, of doing something in his lab, then of himself getting my bag and purse and coming to let me out. Over it all, I got the overarching sense that this was the time to get out of here. Say no more, medium-sized child, let’s blow this popsicle stand.

After I grabbed my belongings from Artie because, really, I wasn’t about to make this kid carry my stuff, we moseyed out of there like ballerina ninjas. You know, gracefully and quietly? What do you mean ‘that’s not a phrase’? Let me live my life and use whatever absurdisms I want.

Artie brought me to the lab to see the giant hole that had been left by X-Factor and I got to see all original five X-Men in one place for the first time. Though, Hank was currently sitting in a wheelchair mummified in bandages.

They were having some sort of discussion with Dr. Maddicks. It seemed they were a bit miffed with him for having kidnapped their friend and teammate. Good.

I caught the tail end of what Jean Grey (Jean Grey!!) was saying.

“-get out of here and get Hank to medical aid!”

Have to say, those cowls they’re wearing do nothing for them.

“I agree, those security guys will be here any second now!” added Angel, appearing to support whatever argument Jean Grey (!!) was making.

Cyclops briefly hesitated before replying. “You’re right. I’ll hold them off until you get out of here!”

“You’re not sacrificing yourself!” Jean (!!!) shot back passionately.  
Dr. Maddicks turned pale. “This level is classified as top-secret! They’ll shoot to kill! You’ve got to take my son and get out of here! They’ll shoot anyone who looks like a mutant!”

“Can’t you tell them to stop?”

“You don’t understand! I’ve been doing my experiments clandestinely! There’s a tunnel over here that you can take out, I’ll stay behind and hold them off!”

With that, I saw my hopes of ever going back to normal dashed on the rocks of an uncaring world.

You’re not getting out of this that easily, Dr. Maddicks! No redemption equals death here!

“Is there anything in here you could set up to delay them? Like, chloroform in the vents? Or something that would explode?” Strangely, it took an effort to get the words out.

Everyone turned to stare blankly at me and Artie. For a moment, it looked like there was no life in their eyes, and it felt as if the world was holding its breath - I couldn’t even hear the buzzing of the fluorescent lights. 

Then the world let out its breath.

Dr. Maddicks spoke up. “I...can set up something, yes, but you’d all better get out of the way quickly!”

And thus, Artie and I followed X-Factor into the biohazard tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously recommend listening to Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads, it really sets the mood for this fic. Anyways, some of the dialogue was taken directly from issue #3 of X-Factor. Some was paraphrased because there's only so much I could put up with. Also, if whoever wrote Beast's dialogue could please turn on their address? I just want to talk.


	3. the time we feel most stable/is the time we’re coming off the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:  
> \- shady dude vibes intensify  
> \- hotel vibes intensify  
> \- a sad lack of bad puns

We managed to make it through the tunnel and off the grounds without incident, Dr. Maddicks catching up after not too long. Dude was surprisingly in shape for a mad scientist. There was a bit of a hiccup getting Hank in the wheelchair into their private jet, but we were up in the air and out of Scienceville faster than I would have thought.

(No, that’s not what it was called. I think it was somewhere in the southern US? But it may have just been in a humid area in the summer. I didn’t exactly get a good chance to look around and do a detailed survey of the wildlife, but nothing obviously stuck out to me in the 10-ish minutes I spent outside, so it couldn’t be too far south)

Dr. Maddicks seemed oddly genuine in his desire to keep Hank alive, constantly checking on his vitals. Everyone else seemed too worried and stressed to talk, so the plane ride was spent in silence.

It was incredibly fucking boring.

Look, I know that sounds callous when Hank could be dying a few feet away but what was I supposed to do? There was literally nothing for me to do-

I remembered Jean was a telepath.

Wow, here she is, worried about if her friend is going to live or die, and sitting across from her is this random strange woman whining internally about being bored. I felt like a terrible person. How self-centered of me.

I should pray.

_____________

The rest of the plane ride to New York was spent in anxious silence. They dropped me and Artie off in the lobby of this big building by the waterfront then took off to get Hank to their in-house clinic, Dr. Maddicks hastily asking me to look after Artie.

What the heck, dude, the arrogance of that move. I mean, yeah, it’s not like I wasn’t going to keep an eye out for this kid out of spite, but the sheer presumptuousness of asking me for a favour…!

I didn’t have much time to ponder it before we were greeted by a man with some truly classic 80s specs, a black and teal striped shirt, burgundy slacks, and mustard loafers.

Man I feel like such a hypocrite, I always said I wished more people, men and women both, would wear more colour, and now that I’m in a decade when they do, all I can do is judge them internally.

“Hello, and welcome! I’m Cameron Hodge, X-Factor’s administrator,” he said, an easy practiced businessman’s smile on his face. He held out his hand to shake, which I took on autopilot.

At last! A social interaction framework I have practice with and a script for! Finally something familiar!

“I’m Laura Mitchell, and this is Artie Maddicks,” I said, my own slightly less practiced business smile falling in place. “Nice to meet you.”

Wait, Cameron Hodge? That name sounded familiar, wasn’t he a villain or something? He was like, the Maxwell Lord of X-Men or something like that, right?

For the first time in my life, instead of wishing I knew less about X-Men, I wished I knew more.  
Was he brainwashed? Was it a sudden decision in the 90s or aughts to be ~edgy~ like with Maxwell Lord? If that was the case I should be fine for right now. Deciding to say anything or not to the X-Men was a problem for Future Laura. Riiight after telling them about the comic books.

As he continued to show us around the X-Factor building, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the man who had gotten me my current job. Even though I had never actually heard of him doing anything wrong, he had always given me a suspicious vibe. Not just me, my co-worker had also found him a bit shady. Our opinion of him was not improved by his frequently having loud phone calls in the middle of the office.

After touring the kitchen, the gym, the TV room, and the games room (an arcade? really? how old did he think we- oh right), we finally stopped in the middle of a hallway that reminded me of nothing so much as the government building where I’d gotten my passport, i.e. confusing, oatmeal-coloured, featureless, and vaguely menacing. Hodge turned to face us. “There’s another mutant here that X-Factor rescued, I’m sure you’ll all get along wonderfully.”

Ooh, I wonder if it’ll be anyone I’ve heard of. Probably not, given I’d only vaguely heard of X-Factor. Would be cool to meet Dazzler, though, this is about when she showed up, right? I remember something about her being the ‘character based around disco who was created as disco was dying’.

Hodge rapped his knuckles on the door, and after a few seconds it was answered by a redheaded young man, high school or university age? I swear, they get younger every year.

“Laura, Artie, this is Rusty, he’s a pyrokinetic. Rusty, meet Laura and Artie, they’ll be staying with you.”

So we’re on a first name basis now, huh, _Cameron_? Anyways, I had no clue who this Rusty dude was. I sure hope this was because he was just a minor character and not because they killed him off.

I pulled out my trusty business smile again, and stuck out my hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Uh, hi, so what are you in here for? I mean, what’s your mutant power?”

I let out a polite business ‘heh’ to his first statement. “Besides being green, I don’t actually know. Artie here can’t speak, but he can...” I trailed off as I saw that Artie was projecting an image of Kermit on the wall. “...he can do that. Har har har, it’s not easy being green, huh?”

At least he was doing well enough to make a joke after his traumatic experience.

I can see how a visual power like that would be fun to use in a comic book, but it really wasn’t made to be used in a purely literary medium. Wait, speaking of meta-concepts, as we were, redhead, fire powers, wow. Let me guess, he was secretly related to Jean Grey somehow, too.

Quick, what was a good fire pun that didn’t sound like I was flirting? Everything I could think of sounded like some kind of come-on.

The moment passed before I was able to come up with anything, alas, and Cameron showed me to the room where I would be staying, with the assurances of taking Artie to see his dad.

Nope, couldn’t do it, calling him Cameron felt fine inside my head but there was no way I could do it out loud. Hodge? Mr. Hodge? No, the best way to handle this was to treat his name the way I did with my bosses’ - just don’t refer to him by name as much as possible until it’s appropriate to be on a first name basis.

The room he put me in reminded me of nothing so much as a hotel room - green rough carpet, bathroom next to the door, bed with bedside table facing a tv console and desk. I half expected there to be a little card with the wifi password. Obviously there wasn’t, since wifi didn’t exist, but there was a notepad branded with Worthington Industries. And matching pen! Nice.

I put my bag and purse down carefully beside the bed then threw myself onto the cheap polyester coverlet. I was going to pay for this calm later, I always did, but for now I could at least breathe.

Moment over, let’s fire up the laptop and-

Can’t check Discord, dumbass, there’s no internet and pretty much everyone you know hasn’t even been born yet. And even if they were, you’re-

Stopping that train of thought right now. Man I’m glad I got all that music and downloaded all those fanfics in the case of internet outages and train trips. Who’s laughing now, Spotify users?

There wasn’t anything in particular I wanted to listen to or read though. I should do something productive, like put away my toiletries and clothes.

Whew, thankfully I’d had my overnight bag packed to stay over at my parents’ because-

Wait what? Wasn’t I living with them? Why would I need an overnight bag?

What the heck. What the heck was going on with my memory?

Ugh, My brain was mush. Time to take a shower. I had some of the fancy oat soap in my toiletry bag because like an idiot I’d kept forgetting to take it out (thanks past me! for once you were useful!), but there was a little thing of soap just like in a hotel here.

I was perched on the wheely chair by the desk, my hair wrapped in a towel, trying on a whim to see if there was any kind of network signals (spoiler warning: there wasn’t), when a knock came on my door.

It was Dr. Maddicks.

He coughed awkwardly at the expression on my face.

“I came to let you know that Dr. McCoy has pulled through. He’s doing fine and...his mutation has disappeared.”

“What?” The strangled cry came from my throat. H-how did that work? I knew Hank was still blue and furry in modern comics. Had I changed things to make this happen? Was this going to cause a disaster somewhere down the line?

Wait! That meant there was a chance to ungreenify me! Only...I didn’t want to risk my life on it.

But, at least Hank was going to be ok. As far as anyone knew, at least.

I calmed my face and spoke again. “I’m glad to hear he’s doing well.”

“And since it worked, we can get started on putting you back to the way you were.”

“I’d prefer a solution that was a bit more...safe, thanks. I’m all right with staying green a bit longer as long as I’m alive to complain about it.”

“Yes, that’s one of the conditions X-Factor gave me, to make up for my misdeeds.”

Who even talks like that? Well, me, but I only do it ironically. This guy is in earnest.

“Well, that’s good. Thanks.”

“I wanted to apologize for, well, Tower kidnapping you, experimenting on you and...possibly permanently changing your body…”

I shut the door in his face.

I’m not thinking about it. There wasn’t anything I could do but try to get used to the outline of my nose being a different colour from the edge of my eyes. Or my hands when I glanced down.

I wished I hadn’t shut the door. I wished I’d punched him instead. Yeah, with those noodle arms of mine it probably would have hurt me more than him but still, I wished I had.

Ah. Everything was hitting me now, for some reason. I’m not the person I was when I woke up this morning, if I even woke up this morning. Was I ever going to see my family again? What would they think, at work, when I failed to show up on the scrum call or answer any messages?

What was this going to do to my mother?

I wept, sitting on the floor, my unfamiliar arms around my unfamiliar legs, my hair wet against my neck.

I hoped none of them heard me. No, wait, I hoped Dr. Maddicks did hear me, and felt more guilt. It was all his-

No, it wasn’t all his fault was it? I stopped crying as I remembered like a shock of cold air, that somehow I’d ended up in this universe.

Had I fallen through a fucking portal like some kind of old-school isekai? Someone trying some kind of magic ritual? What was wrong with my memories that I couldn’t remember something this important?

Sometimes, the way these stories went, it was just a random portal. But not always. And something told me the writer wouldn’t be drawing the audience’s attention towards this question unless there was something there.

Well. I now was in close proximity to at least one telepath. Hopefully she’d be willing to give me a hand?

Thus fortified, I was able to pray the rosary. And then I had a moment of panic when I realized I didn’t have the full prayer for spiritual communion memorized. And wait, did they have the act of contrition taped up inside confessionals in the 80s? Wait, how was I going to go to church anyways? Where?

And maybe, one day, I’d be able to pray to forgive Dr. Maddicks. I really didn’t want to now though.

Despite everything, I had to laugh a bit. These were all problems that could be solved. Thus fortified, I went to bed at 10pm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Tower was a mercenary who worked for Dr. Maddicks, that statement will get explained next chapter.
> 
> There was something else I felt needed to be explained but now I don't remember.
> 
> Kind of a short chapter this time.


End file.
